Today one of my close friends told me, kindly, that he felt like I didn't have time for him. Initially, I was just frustrated. I had heard this same thing a few times today and I felt really frustrated. Unconsciously, I jumped onto the drama triangle.
Our coach presented a beautiful alternative to the drama triangle, and getting back above the line. As soon as you notice you're on the drama triangle ask the question: how might I become a coach, champion, or creator in this moment? As I presented it to a client in massive relationship conflict about money, he said: 'it's gotta be a circle," - so I now think of it as an Agency Circle vs. the Drama Triangle.
My most familiar spots on the drama triangle are hero (rescuer) and villain (persecutor). It is SO EASY to think that I'm the bad guy or I can make everything better. It is also EXHAUSTING, as well as prideful. Not necessarily acting the like the bad guy (i.e. lashing out), but assuming that others are perceiving me as the villain (so maybe it's really a victim-y position).
The drama triangle is a place of life events happening TO you (your kids, willfully, I'm sure, not helping with the dishes - they were doing that TO you, surely). The work of a lifetime is to shift into a perspective of things being done FOR you (the kids giving you an opportunity to practice shifting), BY you (you get to make choices of how you respond in every moment, rather than being tossed around by life), and, eventually, AS you: "how might the very best version of Reese respond in this moment?"
One final gem:
I was advised to take those moments of self-flagellation and tell myself with compassion: "Actually, you're doing a pretty good job, considering."
Being human is hard. Actually, you're doing a pretty good job, considering!
Good post, I needed that review of the drama triangle. I was probably one of those that had made you feel that way. :) But, I did get connected to your newsletter here by reaching out so that's a positive. Michelle and I are battling this heavy right now, she's also working too hard on too many things. But that's what she does. So it's a challenge for me to help and not contribute to her frustrations. Drama Triangle and Agency Circle thoughts from other comment are very helpful right now!
Our coach presented a beautiful alternative to the drama triangle, and getting back above the line. As soon as you notice you're on the drama triangle ask the question: how might I become a coach, champion, or creator in this moment? As I presented it to a client in massive relationship conflict about money, he said: 'it's gotta be a circle," - so I now think of it as an Agency Circle vs. the Drama Triangle.
My most familiar spots on the drama triangle are hero (rescuer) and villain (persecutor). It is SO EASY to think that I'm the bad guy or I can make everything better. It is also EXHAUSTING, as well as prideful. Not necessarily acting the like the bad guy (i.e. lashing out), but assuming that others are perceiving me as the villain (so maybe it's really a victim-y position).
The drama triangle is a place of life events happening TO you (your kids, willfully, I'm sure, not helping with the dishes - they were doing that TO you, surely). The work of a lifetime is to shift into a perspective of things being done FOR you (the kids giving you an opportunity to practice shifting), BY you (you get to make choices of how you respond in every moment, rather than being tossed around by life), and, eventually, AS you: "how might the very best version of Reese respond in this moment?"
One final gem:
I was advised to take those moments of self-flagellation and tell myself with compassion: "Actually, you're doing a pretty good job, considering."
Being human is hard. Actually, you're doing a pretty good job, considering!
Love this! Frameworks like these can be really helpful as long as they don’t result in too much pain 😂.
Good post, I needed that review of the drama triangle. I was probably one of those that had made you feel that way. :) But, I did get connected to your newsletter here by reaching out so that's a positive. Michelle and I are battling this heavy right now, she's also working too hard on too many things. But that's what she does. So it's a challenge for me to help and not contribute to her frustrations. Drama Triangle and Agency Circle thoughts from other comment are very helpful right now!