A Christmas Story
Fact: It’s December 21st. Reese is sitting alone inside of his house right now, responding to email, and writing. He is thinking about his readers, and wondering what they might experience on Christmas with their loved ones. It’s a cold winter’s day, and there’s snow on the ground that is a few days old. The sky is overcast. The wind is blowing. It is very quiet in his house.
What Christmas story am I going to tell myself about these facts?
Story A: It’s a rather gloomy Christmas morning, and it doesn’t really feel like Christmas. The house is empty, and I wish things were different, more cheery, and bright for the holidays. What happened to the way things used to be?
Story B: It’s going to be an amazing day tomorrow when this snow falls into a blanket of fresh powder. I’m excited for a “white” Christmas, and for the chance to spend time with my family. Maybe we’ll go skiing on Christmas Eve. I love being home for the holidays.
Story C: I can’t believe I’m still working this hard before Christmas. I’m so behind, and I don’t have any of the gifts picked out for my youngest son. I’m going to be so embarrassed on Christmas morning when he wakes up and wonders why Santa didn’t bring him what he wanted.
Story D: I’m so lucky to have a little savings to be able to use for Christmas this year. I remember the time when I couldn’t afford Christmas for my kids. It’s such a gift to have financial security, especially during this time of year. I feel like the luckiest person that I live with so much abundance. I wonder who I can help?
To be honest, I think I’ve told myself each of these stories at some point in the last few days.
Are any of these stories “true?” Or are they simply points of view or perspectives that I chose to tell myself?
How do I know which story is the real story?
What stories are you telling yourself about the facts you’re experiencing?
As an entrepreneur, sometimes I have days when things go very differently than I had hoped. The short-term vision in my head is turned upside down by what feels like a critical setback:
A tough market condition which seriously impacts our new client growth.
The loss of a critical employee who had just come up to speed as a new CSA.
An investor who bails last minute on a fundraise because of an unforeseen conflict of interest.
When challenging circumstances occur, it’s easy to get bummed out and spin up stories that don't serve me well. Stories like:
“A better CEO would have seen this coming and staged an alternative as a hedge.”
OR
“I don't really like what I do for a living, I would have been better off just being a [insert alternate career].”
As I mature, I'm starting to get better at identifying the facts and separating them from the stories I tell myself. The facts are observable, unemotional, and can be easily recounted. When I think about facts, I try to imagine what could be recounted by a third party after watching a video recording of the events.
Stories, on the other hand, are what we choose to tell ourselves about those observable facts. Stories involve opinions, points of view, and our own color, values, and purpose.
Both story and fact are essential to building the life we want and can serve us well as financial advisors.
But we have to be careful when conflating facts and stories. Most of what goes through our minds are stories – plenty of them to go around.
The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives and the future events we will continue to experience. Stories affect how we see our loved ones, employees, clients, and friends. Our stories become the blueprints for how we construct our lives.
We don’t live in a world of observable facts—we live inside a world of stories we choose to tell ourselves. I've learned that, just like with any streaming platform, there are an infinite number of stories I can choose to share with myself and the world around me.
I'm not advocating for spinning up happy endings and fairytales that continue to blind you from an accurate representation of the facts. But I am suggesting that some stories serve you well, and other stories do not.
I’m confident and trust that you are doing your best every day. What story will you tell yourself about your effort? What story will you tell yourself about the people you interact with?
All right, enough philosophy. Here’s a quick tip: take a few minutes each day to journal. Write down the story of your day using facts. Just a paragraph or two will do. Then jump into story mode, and make it explicitly clear to yourself that you are now in story mode.
Do this for a few weeks, and you’ll become skilled at observing your stories. I think you’ll start to gain more awareness about your own tendencies and storytelling patterns.
The goal here isn’t to write stories that make you look good to another reader. The goal is to write down the facts which made up your day accurately. And to reflect on the story, you are feeling and telling yourself.
If you’re bummed out, write it down. If you’re happy, do the same thing. Just tell yourself the true story and your true perspective, and don’t hold back.
For me, this simple exercise has been impactful in developing my ability to manage my firm, interact with clients, and become a more trusted financial advisor.
What has your experience been with facts and stories? What advice do you have for me and other friends and colleagues on this topic? It’s something I’m still working on every day.
I hope you’re having a wonderful Holiday!
Reese